I called my dad today and he told me that the family just came back from Qing Ming. It's the third time since I last visited my grandparents. I've written about how I never knew my grandparents and how I got my Chinese name from my grandmum in a post last year I think. And the very same old thoughts came up in my mind.

I hope my grandparents are proud of my brothers and I, because we are all University students. One had already graduated, another one is under way and in his last year, and the last one is about to embark in his own academic journey.

It's also the 23rd Convocation today in UUM and my senior roommate came back to bunk with me and my roommates, man it felt like time hasn't even slipped past us, it's like old times.

When I saw my senior wearing the robe and the square top hat, I started wondering what would it be like to be in his shoes. I bet my parents will be full of joy, I mean I did went through a very shaky situation back in form 6. But now I'm wondering what would it be like if my grandparents came to my Convocation as well... Hmmm....

Who IS She!?

We were sitting side by side, she looking at me, and I at her. I was wondering how we ended up here, sitting by the beach, watching people come and go, gazing at the clouds which looked like marshmallows floating in the sky, her hand holding mine, giggling and laughing over the silliest things... Hey wait a minute! Who IS she??

Her face is a blur, but I can remember her voice. It was sweet and full of compassion, every word she said is like a sip from a bowl of chicken soup, warm and homey. She was wearing a hat, the cutest hat I've ever seen, I'm not a fan of hats, but this one is truly an exception. She was also wearing a dress so simple yet charming, filled with flowery patterns, bringing out a charm I've yet to see in my life. She feels... Perfect... But the question remains... Who IS she!?

The topics of our conversation range from the things I love most. Movies, music, life, to the silliest things that only we could share. The world felt like a better place, looking at her eyes, it makes all your worries go away, making her laugh, you feel as if you have accomplished something magnificent, holding her hand, it's the best feeling of all... But... But who IS she!?

I have no idea... Could I be this lucky? It feels like I'm in a dream. Ahhh that's it. I've solved the puzzle. The beach that was suppose to be surrounding me turned pitch black, the sound of waves and her voice slowly faded away. And then there was that familiar ring... my alarm clock! Wait... Wait!! Who IS she!?

Crap........

Guitar Guy

There's not a single doubt in my mind that I love my guitar. It has provided tranquility and revealed a passion inside of me that I've never realized. But man being the guy with the guitar feels like... Well like some sort of animal for display from the zoo or the clown you employed for your kid's birthday party.

It happened on one night, when my course mates were gathering at a bbq party. I told some of my friends that I'll be bringing my guitar, which I am not that serious in doing. But in the end my gut told me that I should bring it before I regretted anything.

So yeah, you thought at first that you're the center of attention, girls swooned over the way you strum, you made a birthday girl so darn happy and feel so special that you could have sworn that she would have fainted at any moment if you continue strumming (okay this is a little exaggerated but I hope that bday girl did felt that way), guys scorning over you, yeah... How you like that?? Haha kidding...

Then it came, a nightmare so unexpected that it smacks you in the face and made you flabbergasted. You couldn't see it coming, and if it did it was all too late. Girls started taking photos with you and you only, you feel good, you feel like a star, then you realized they were taking photos with you like your some kind of tourist attraction or a statue that says "Guitar Guy, feel free to take photos". They do all these poses while your just holding up your guitar and smiling. It felt awesome, awkward, and confusing at the same time. I wanted them to stop but man... I don't want to be unsporting... So I went with it anyways.

Another thing is, well this is to be expected anyway, is how they treat you like some sort of jukebox. Hey, could you play this for me? Could you play that? And then you feel kind of embarrassed when you can't play that song, then when you mentioned "Hey, I know how to play THIS though!" they couldn't be bothered anymore. Like I said, to be expected, I know most guitar guys get the same treatment anyways.

Oh yeah, I forgot, speaking about photos, the next thing they will do is borrow your guitar to pose, leaving you in the dust. Damn you guitar!

So this is how it feels to be a guitar guy, man, people should appreciate guitar guys more often once in a while and give them a break. If they are any cute chicks please for the love of god, at least give him your phone number, he's the guitar guy after all :D...

Answers

One of the things that frustrate me the most are non-straight answers. Yes, you know what I'm talking about, answers like "I dunno....", "I guess so...", "Anything la...", etc.

And what kind of people usually say this kind of stuff? Well other than the usual people with no confidence... It's the GIRLS!!!!

Guys, help me here, whenever you ask a girl "Hey, what movies do you like?", what's the usual response? "Anything that's good...." or "Well I don't know..." right? Right?

It's this kind of indirect answers that turn me off pfffttt....


Ps: Girls who are reading this... If you perasan giler-giler I can't help you... Muahahahhahahahaha!!!

This is...

I went out with a girl, and I did everything I usually would have done when I'm around with a girl. Follow her around while she is shopping, giving comments on what she should choose, cracking silly jokes... But it truly felt like deja vu.... My gut feeling was telling me that this girl here is like from a past I tried hard to forget... I tried not to show any signs of displeasure but it's still that difficult and I want to get out of this quick.

And then I had second thoughts, I just went out with her once, too early to judge right? So I shrugged off any doubts for the time being, you know, get to know her better... I start to ask some questions, the usual of course, like "What kind of music do you like?" or "Hey I know this movie and I kinda like it, ever heard of it?", just to check what her likes and dislikes were...

She didn't reply alright, instead, it's as if she never paid attention to me.... Pfftt....

Then there was this call... I searched my left pocket to find the vibrating device inside... I looked at the screen... An unknown number, who could it be? I answered...

Me: Hello?
Voice: Hello?

The first thing that came up to my mind was that it sounded like a girl, maybe someone I knew?

Unknown girl's voice (UGV): Is... Is this Bryan speaking?
Me:Uhhh.... Yeah speaking...

The next thing I realized was that her pronunciation was top notch.

UGV: Listen... "Huff"... And listen well, this girl you're with right now, she's not worth it, she's nothing more than a bitch and she loves nothing but to prey on poor saps like yourself...
Me: Sorry what?

The third thing I found out was that she sounded very assertive and very sure of herself...

Me:Why should I believe you?? Who's this!?
UGV:It doesn't matter if you believe me or not... Just be careful with who you're with...

I need to get a name...

Me:What's your name? Do I know you?
UGV: This is... Amy Wong...

The last thing I remembered after that, was me lying on the same old bed in the same old hostel, clasping on to my blanket, with the alarm clock ringing...

RandomThoughts

I have no idea what to write actually but I just feel like writing. Hmm... What am I currently thinking right now? As usual the ever running thinking machine that is my brain is fantasizing over this story I had imagined in my head ever since... I dunno since form 2-3? Well people have so many dreams and ambitions but in the cold hard slap-in-the-face that is reality, you don't get to really do the things you want right?

When I was just a young lad I once wanted to be a football player then I realize my fitness and talents were limited, then I wanted to be a policeman but nowadays policemen don't get any respect at all. Then later I wanted to be a game designer because I have so many ideas to make a great game but my path in life does not seem to be going that direction now.

Misunderstanding

When I'm writing a resume, and am about to write about myself, I would most certainly describe myself as a confident person striving to make the best out of things, using my intelligence for nothing but only to sate my curiosity, and a hard worker, with "no pain no glory" as my guiding principle. Please note that I do mean what I write, call it boasting if you will, but it does show my arrogance isn't it?

One of my worst habits is boasting, talking big, elevating my achievements as if they mean anything. Showing my prowess everywhere I go, speaking as if I don't give a damn. So obviously you would have thought that some people think of me as being an arrogant ass, which is well what I am to be honest. So bite me, who cares right?

But what if there is someone who you don't want them to think of you as an arrogant prick? This is what happens when you tell the world how great you are and ridicule people, you build barriers around you which cloud your true self, your true intentions, or who you once were. Yes things happened, people change, that's the way life is, and yes I'm bearing with this very fact.

Once people have that impression of you, it will stick in their very brains, it will take someone with a lot of empathy to look beyond that first impression don't you think? Normally people wouldn't care about other people's perception about themselves, I mean people have different thoughts, principles, and values, so what the heck right? But what about somebody special in your heart? You talk to that person in your usual tone, not showing a hint of your insecurities and vulnerability, and it seems that every word you say becomes a small blade ready to slit their very hearts.

True you become friends but not close enough. Then there comes a time, an opportunity, something that happens out of the blue, and it smacks you in the head, your ready to break down the walls you set up all this time. But that someone in the end, never took you seriously. It's too late, your arrogant impression has already left a deep mark in that someone's mind. Even after you reveal that inside you were crying for help, that someone will never believe it.

Worth

It's been what... 5, 6 months since I wrote my last post? Well for all of you out there wondering if I'm dead or alive, I'm doing alright and have never been better.

If you ask me how I am doing recently, I would normally say "It's ok I guess", well to be honest there were a few happenings. But that's life, you go through the awesome times, and then there are the shit times.

I have learned quite a few things lately, especially one thing though, is to be aware of what you are doing. Think before you do it, and ask yourself why are you doing this, what's your purpose, what will happened next, is it worth it? But of course, it's easier said then done, when your so filled with emotion, whether it be hate, rage, or depression, you lose control. But it also doesn't mean you have to regret doing something you never meant to do for the rest of your life, deal with it, it's the past, let it go and make amends. That way you can be happy.

I've never done it before, but recently, I put aside my pride and made things better. You can't undone what's been done, nor could you fix everyone's problems, but if you think it's worth doing, do it.