Condemned

AIESEC AGM... As I watched the video about the sweet memories, achievements, and the messages of how much the previous Executive Board appreciate each other... I know that I've got to get out of there...

As a sleeping member of every club I go to, I kind of regretted about my decision to lay low, what have I been doing all this time? I know I have the abilities, the knowledge, the drive to exceed and excel in all this club activities and one day I might be at the top... But instead I chose to be secluded... To hide away... Why?

Yes I've been there, done that, but so far I have always felt that I've been played like a fool... Doing things by myself, taking up responsibility all by myself, getting one of the top posts just because I'm in good terms with the higher ups... But I've lost out what I've always been looking for... Appreciation... Do others look up to me? Or do they talk behind my back? Do they despise me?

As I walk back to my hostel, I felt cold, even while the sun is scorching... I felt alone... So alone... Why am I like this? I wanted to be pitied but I refused any help, I wanted to be cared for but I shove people aside, I wanted to achieve more and yet I back down in the wrong time... Am I condemned to be like this for the rest of my life?

I was arrogant, I thought nobody could possibly be better than me... Yes, that's how I felt, I despised people, criticize them, telling myself that I would be wasting my breath beating those fools to get to the top... People don't know that, but deep down... I'm an egoistic bastard... In the end I payed the price... I end up doing work on my own because I don't trust people to do my work and thought they could never have done a better job than me... I end up frustrated, weary, alone....

Heh, now I know why I don't deserve pity or care...