What I'm Feeling Right Now

After 3 years of an unpleasant relationship, this is the first time that I'll be celebrating events like this year's Chinese New Year as a single guy...

I'm not saying that I'm alone, I have a great family and friends to hang out with but I still feel somehow... empty...

This is a void that my family and friends could not fill in. I'm back to being the miserable guy I was more than 3 years ago... Yearning for companionship, true love and all that... My heart aches and I can't tell why... I get mood swings... I felt pathetic...

Some of my friends are even starting their own relationships and it makes me feel even more moody...

I needed to do something and luckily a friend called, and he's asking me out... It's the usual meet up with my primary school friends and maybe this could clear my head... Or so I thought...

My old friends were asking about my recent break up, and as I explained I was thinking about what a joke my previous relationship was... I was pouring out my love and affection as much as I could but I was treated like grass... Heh... The story of my life... Always taken advantage of...

Darn, another 2 weeks and I'll be going through Valentine's Day as a single guy for the first time in 3 years... Better think of something to do... Or else I'm going to get emotional again...

Out of Juice...

This year's Chinese New Year is one event I would probably not remember... Ever since I came back from University I couldn't even sleep well... Although it's great to be back with the family again but I find myself losing that cheery, happy festive season mood... It seems that I don't have the energy like I had when I was younger... The sleeping disorders I'm having right now might be the culprit... I find myself yawning where ever I am and there are times when I don't feel like waking up....

Am I having an emotional break down or am I just out of juice?

I'm not home yet...

Darn...

My roommates are all gone and I'm left here wondering what to do....

I took out my assignments and tried to finish them but the holiday season mood kicked in and I just let everything drop....

So instead I turned on some music and played it loud with my roommate's speakers... And as I listened I let myself go since nobody's watching me ha ha....

Then I was lying down on my bed and thinking about all the bad stuff happening around me recently... I became pretty emotional since I got no one to talk to... Even my guitar is not here to accompany me... Almost went crazy...

My biggest fear of all is actually isolation... If there's nobody around you'll actually see me talking to myself...

Oh well at least I'm better off than most people so I guess I shouldn't complain...

Happy Chinese New Year everyone...

Walking Alone

Man.... Christmas Night in UUM... It feels just like back then when I was a lad... These events... With all these dances and sentimental songs... Makes me yearn for something... I kept on looking around... Looking and waiting, hoping for a chance... Hoping that person sees me... acknowledge my existence... I could have done something... But I was held back... By some unknown force of nature... Heh... How pathetic...

And without a doubt I walked back to my room alone... Singing all the songs I could ever think of...

You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes - The Platters
This I Promise You - N'Sync
You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson
An Jing - Jay Chou
Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis

Darn....

What am I thinking right now?

Yes indeed... What AM I thinking right now? I have the tendency to think of lot of unnecessary things when I have nothing to do... I guess you could call that a hobby of mine... Hmm.. well maybe not a hobby but a bad habit...

I kept thinking about my future, the uncertainty it brings and what to do next...

But I'm just your average student who's suppose to study, play, make friends, etc....

I don't have problems but I make myself think I have problems... This is bad...

I gotta brighten up a bit...

It's been a while

Like what the title said, it's been a while since I've made another post. A lot of things happened for the past week. I attended my cousin's wedding and witnessed the Chinese wedding ceremony for the first time! And I even had a great time in the wedding dinner. I've met cousins who I didn't even know that they existed and the best part is that they are all middle aged people! I wish I had more time so I can get to know them better though...

The next thing I want write about is the massacre of Gaza. I was reading the papers while waiting for the bus back to Alor Setar last Sunday and I was shocked to find how terrible the situation in Gaza is. It was reported that out of 75 people killed, 5 of them were confirmed militants. It doesn't take a genius to know who the other 70 people are right? I was disgusted and also saddened by these turn of events, no matter how advanced we are in science and technology, we can never improve in humanitarian events. I believe war and peace is an endless cycle especially when humans are still around, but wars were fought between soldiers! This isn't a war, this is a slaughter, let's hope and pray that this will end one day and sadly this is what I can only do.

Today I've donated blood for the very first time. Everything went smoothly and I have this funny feeling on my right arm. It turns out that my blood type is an O positive which means almost anyone can use my blood haha...