4th of December 2008,
It all started with a dream.
I haven't slept well recently and my mind is full of thoughts. Thoughts about other people, who I am, what my future beholds and the endless wave and wave of possibilities. I guess this is what you call a dilemma. My head hurts like hell while i try to sleep ever since having that dream. I believe dreams can tell you a lot about yourself, your fears, your ambitions, your conscience.
It was a dream that caught me by surprise and it was unexpected and inevitable. A dream about meeting and being happy with someone else. What does that mean? Am I destined to have another relationship with another person in the near future? And leave my girl behind? No. That's not it. I believe the dream is telling me to review the relationship, we've been together for 3 years now but the question is, am I happy? Of course there were moments but I really need to be honest with myself. No, I can't say I'm happy at all. I feel suppressed, pressured, and not getting a slice from the cake. I dare say that I know what she wants, but does SHE know what I want? All I'm asking is simple, intimacy, affection and she couldn't pull it off. And then there is this other problem, she tells me that she wants to get married at the age of 25. We're both born in the same year, and it doesn't take a genius to tell when I'm going to get married if we were to stay together for another 4 years.
I'm 21, the world ahead of me. I want to see the world, unleashed my full potential, to be somebody! I'll be 23 years old when i graduate, and I only have 2 years to do everything I want until I settle down. I don't think I can do that. That pressure will stay with me wherever I go. Yes, it's true that I want a family but it's not the right time. I cannot be tied down like that, after knowing that I have the opportunity, the ability, the drive, the ambition, the dream. I don't think she understands that part of me. She needs someone to truly care for her, please her, attend to her needs 24/7, I can't become that. Maybe in the end, I'm thinking too much.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
In a dilemma
Posted by Bryan C at 2:51 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
You've been honest to yourself, and yeah, after such long and arduous stretch, littered with bittersweet symphonies of memories, one will sometimes halt and ponder upon the next few steps of the future.
Offering an unsolicited advice with regard to a relationship would be naive, however my say would be, take some time off to straighten things that might had detoured earlier into the wilderness of confusion, dude. You'll definitely rationalize better with the help of the calming silence around.
Trust your hunches and feelings, they are uncanny in times of turmoils, and somehow it will end the stalemate of choices undecided by the heart and undetermined by the mind.
Be strong dude.
hey ya..
I guess you have made the right choice.What truly matters the most is staying true to yourself.Pleasing someone all the time without getting a taste of the cake is no good for a realtionship to last. I knoe how you feel and I hope you will find the love and attention you've craved for in near future.
Post a Comment