Welcome 2009

New year... Nowadays I couldn't give a rats ass about the upcoming new year. To me it's just another day, something we all need to go through in our lives. The excitement of celebrating the new year just wasn't there anymore. I guess I'm getting tired of all this mumbo-jumbo or nonsense happening around me now.

Here I am in Autocity, Penang. Concert outside. Terrible singing. People gathering. Unbearable noise. Guess I'm just not in a celebrating mood right now. A few sips of wine in the cafe. Writing my blog. Surfing the web. Not what I call the ideal way to celebrate but then again, who cares?

Anyways as your average friendly neighbourhood nobody, I'm going to greet the new year like everyone else. Happy 2009 everyone. Hopefully it's going to be a fruitful year.

T`was the night after Christmas

Ahh.... Christmas... This year though is much more family oriented... It's been a while since I have any fun with my family... Went Christmas shopping with my father and brothers at Sungei Wang.

Human traffic was at it's worst there, hordes of people filled up the walkways and shops and there are times when we wish we weren't there. But boy am I glad to be there! Why? I've bought something great of course! What? You asked? Heh heh.... for the readers out there who are interested in buying branded goods like Armani's or Calvin Klein's but with limited funds. There's a shop over there called Miracle Factory Outlet.

Well as you can tell from the name above... The shop provides rejected goods but hey! The quality is no different than the original ones! And who cares? It's Armanis for god's sake!

Bought a pair great Armani Exchange jeans... The price? RM189... Yeah the price might still be a little steep but try to guess the original price... RM700! See the difference? But beware though, because they do not have a constant supply of merchandise like most shops... That's why it's a factory outlet store.

Another 5 days and it'll be the new year... I'll be going back to University tomorrow and a new semester will begin... This time I feel like a whole new man... Fresh and full of energy... A few goals are now implemented in my mind...

No. 1: Studies
No. 2: Fitness
No. 3: Guitar

I hope I don't slack off in any of these goals though. "Fingers Crossed"

Getting better and better!

One o clock in the afternoon... Cooked myself something simple for lunch... Then back to the screen on my laptop... A typical day for the average undergraduate on holiday. As I went online and entered the university's web portal, I clicked on the link which says "Keputusan Peperiksaan"

It felt like years since the last day of my final exam this semester and I've been itching to see where my fruits of labor will end up. Funny though, because in the past I couldn't give a damn about my results and failed papers were ordinary back in my high school years (well except for STPM). But after enrolling into university I find myself studying. Not last minute studying but studying smart and hard.

I smiled at the irony.

My heart is pumping faster... My adrenaline running like a horse... My pulse racing... So here it goes...

......... 3.63! (Not a B in sight!)

Whoa... This keeps getting better and better.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

It's been a while since I've talked to an old buddy of mine, listening to his rantings about everything in particular, talking about nonsense, the usual guy to guy talk... After a few outings with friends since last weekend, I suddenly felt that old feeling coming back. That same feeling back when I was in my high school years. Loneliness? Maybe. But not entirely true. I have a lot of friends and a family that cares for me. So why am I still feeling this way?

Whenever I have a conversation with my friends, I've always felt that it was too short in some way. I don't usually open up somehow. Like sharing my thoughts for example. I always get the feeling that somehow I lack someone who I can really, truly talk to. Sure I can share my feelings with my guy friends but there's always a limit to what you can talk about. When guys talk it's usually about pride, responsibilities, status, well, men stuff.

I had my share of male bonding already. Perhaps I lack communication with the other sex. I had my moments of intimacy with my ex before but it was still hard to open up to her. Especially when we were speaking in Mandarin most of the time and then there was also this feeling that she doesn't care about me. I don't think I have many female friends that I can be comfortable to converse with. Most of the girls I know are chinese educated (I don't mean to discriminate) and since I'm more westernized I still get the feeling that we are from two different worlds.

Since I'm not tied down anymore, this is my chance to meet more girls. Hopefully, somewhere over the rainbow, there will be somebody out there waiting for me. And God! I hope she can speak in English.

PS: Please do not be offended by this post. It is not my intent to discriminate in any way. Just to let you know, I love the company of the chinese educated community!

The Break Up

I'll never forget Last Sunday (Dec 7th 2008), after 3 years of sweetness, crap, and tears, it is finally over. Those who know me will understand what I'm saying. Well I guess there's a first in everything. If I said I don't feel anything at all after that fateful event, you know I'm lying and I'm not very good at it. My mind has been attacked by all these emotions like anger, remorse, fear, excitement, sadness... It isn't pleasant... Not a single bit... So I said to myself "so this is how it feels huh?".

Everyday is a new day I suppose. The new year is coming soon. I can start afresh. I'm sure I'll get over it soon.

So how do I REALLY feel you're wondering? Well... Free would be the right word.

In a dilemma

4th of December 2008,

It all started with a dream.

I haven't slept well recently and my mind is full of thoughts. Thoughts about other people, who I am, what my future beholds and the endless wave and wave of possibilities. I guess this is what you call a dilemma. My head hurts like hell while i try to sleep ever since having that dream. I believe dreams can tell you a lot about yourself, your fears, your ambitions, your conscience.

It was a dream that caught me by surprise and it was unexpected and inevitable. A dream about meeting and being happy with someone else. What does that mean? Am I destined to have another relationship with another person in the near future? And leave my girl behind? No. That's not it. I believe the dream is telling me to review the relationship, we've been together for 3 years now but the question is, am I happy? Of course there were moments but I really need to be honest with myself. No, I can't say I'm happy at all. I feel suppressed, pressured, and not getting a slice from the cake. I dare say that I know what she wants, but does SHE know what I want? All I'm asking is simple, intimacy, affection and she couldn't pull it off. And then there is this other problem, she tells me that she wants to get married at the age of 25. We're both born in the same year, and it doesn't take a genius to tell when I'm going to get married if we were to stay together for another 4 years.

I'm 21, the world ahead of me. I want to see the world, unleashed my full potential, to be somebody! I'll be 23 years old when i graduate, and I only have 2 years to do everything I want until I settle down. I don't think I can do that. That pressure will stay with me wherever I go. Yes, it's true that I want a family but it's not the right time. I cannot be tied down like that, after knowing that I have the opportunity, the ability, the drive, the ambition, the dream. I don't think she understands that part of me. She needs someone to truly care for her, please her, attend to her needs 24/7, I can't become that. Maybe in the end, I'm thinking too much.