Somewhere Over the Rainbow

It's been a while since I've talked to an old buddy of mine, listening to his rantings about everything in particular, talking about nonsense, the usual guy to guy talk... After a few outings with friends since last weekend, I suddenly felt that old feeling coming back. That same feeling back when I was in my high school years. Loneliness? Maybe. But not entirely true. I have a lot of friends and a family that cares for me. So why am I still feeling this way?

Whenever I have a conversation with my friends, I've always felt that it was too short in some way. I don't usually open up somehow. Like sharing my thoughts for example. I always get the feeling that somehow I lack someone who I can really, truly talk to. Sure I can share my feelings with my guy friends but there's always a limit to what you can talk about. When guys talk it's usually about pride, responsibilities, status, well, men stuff.

I had my share of male bonding already. Perhaps I lack communication with the other sex. I had my moments of intimacy with my ex before but it was still hard to open up to her. Especially when we were speaking in Mandarin most of the time and then there was also this feeling that she doesn't care about me. I don't think I have many female friends that I can be comfortable to converse with. Most of the girls I know are chinese educated (I don't mean to discriminate) and since I'm more westernized I still get the feeling that we are from two different worlds.

Since I'm not tied down anymore, this is my chance to meet more girls. Hopefully, somewhere over the rainbow, there will be somebody out there waiting for me. And God! I hope she can speak in English.

PS: Please do not be offended by this post. It is not my intent to discriminate in any way. Just to let you know, I love the company of the chinese educated community!